Personally, I do not engage in dating because of my religious beliefs. However, many more people do and its a topic that I think people often get a bit funny about for a variety of reasons.
To explore the issue, lets imagine a hypothetical situation where you have been invited for a date with someone from the opposite gender and you have confirmed a time and a place to meet. Your heart rate speeds up a little faster, your blood pressure elevates slightly, your nerves become more active, your eyes dilate and become a little bigger and your imaginative mind leaps out of the blue and runs as wild as a kangaroo!
From the moment the date is confirmed up until the point you both intend to meet each other, the excitement within your existence builds up gradually until the meeting. Or it could shoot through the roof before it turns into anxiety, fear and questions such as "what if I end up saying the wrong thing upsetting the other person?" to "what if the other person immediately never wants to see me again?" or even "what if I spill the whole bowl of soup over my clothing during the starter?!"
Once you gather yourself together and buy the necessary clothing (or if you aren't willing to spend a penny and use your existing wardrobe) and get through your life up until the date then the real action begins.
The first step of doing anything in life, whether its driving a car or starting a course at college or university, seems to be the toughest part. And I can only imagine that a date is very much the same. Now I'm a man so please forgive me ladies but I'm going to provide my own point of view but I am sure that you can relate to much of what I am saying.
Walking up to the venue is a horrifying experience. Your legs are like jelly. Your brain is still producing conflicting thoughts about how the evening may go. And your sweat glands are on standby temporarily before they try to have some say on the matter!
And then, there's the greeting stage. Your smile is slightly hindered by the sheer resistance of your nerves. You focus on the other person as if you are behind the wheel of a car whilst undertaking your driving test. And this is also, I would argue, the most important stage. This is the stage which gives you a clue as to whether the date will be a successful one or whether you've lost your luck before you say the word "hello".
Next is the part when the gentleman puts himself second to the lady. The lady is the Queen. She sits first. You sit last. No arguments there. After all, you aren't Mr Bean.
And then comes to culinary delights of the place you've chosen to get to know each other in. Remembering to eat at a moderate speed, not talking too much, ensuring you don't permit the spaghetti bolognese any chance to sneakily jump from your cutlery and onto your designer shirt. Who said eating a meal was easy?
And then, a big hurdle looms...the bill. Who pays? Personally, some people think it should be split 50/50. But many more think the man should wave the flag for chivalry and pay the whole bill. Personally, if I were in a situation (lets say when I hopefully become a married husband) then I wouldn't dare allow my wife to pay for the bill. Because if I did, then I deserve nothing more than to shower myself in shame.
Once you get over the hurdle then its a matter of whether you get to show the lady that you're the kind of dancer who could be an extra on The X Factor when she frankly thinks you are as good as Mr Bean waving his arms like windmills (I'm referring to the episode where he takes his girlfriend to a magic show and ends up dancing horribly, yet with hilarity in the next door disco).
Look, let me put all this in a few simple words. Its not an easy life, dating. Its like throwing yourself onto a roller-coaster at a theme park and putting yourself through agony, thrill and complete electricity.
In summary Islamically, love relationships are normally conducted through marriage. And they aren't all arranged marriages either. Two people can still meet each other and really like each other and want to form a relationship through marriage as long as modesty prevails. Both families normally meet with each other and get to familiarise themselves. Then if an agreement takes place for a man and a woman to marry then a Nikah ceremony takes place where the couple are then married with the blessing of God, if God wills.
I hope to have given you a brief insight into how romance works in Islam. But just because Muslims like myself have a different way of doing things, it does not mean we are different. After all, I desire a lot in the woman that I would love to marry. The problem is, I haven't found her yet!
But one day, I will. And I'll be one grateful and happy man.
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